Adjustments

I mentioned last week that I was starting a new job. It is now a done deal and I have a week of re-immersion behind me. My whole system is in shock! Someone gave me the good advice to just keep swimming. I did not have the heart to tell him that I had not even made it to the water yet.

This time is reminiscent of when I started to work for my former boss. I had been on a short leave of absence and had returned to work on “Special Projects”. He had assigned me a couple of tasks that I had absolutely no idea how to tackle. I remember being totally depressed, sitting at my desk and scratching my head, wondering, “Is this all there is to life?” — I always go immediately to existential angst.

That was November of 1996. I wonder if November has something to do with how I am feeling? It is cold and dark by 4:30 PM. Or maybe it is because I always go into some degree of shock when I make a major change in my life. I broke out in hives after my first date with Michael and shortly thereafter had the worst bladder infection of my life! I could have taken these things to be signs that this was not the right relationship for me… but I would have been dead wrong.

Back in November of 1996, I was thinking that I needed a career change, but that was also wrong. One of those “special projects” that I scratched my head about had been to “figure out this whole internet thingie”. That project ended up changing my life. I have always been drawn to technology, but I absolutely loved the combination of technology and visual creativity. That assignment led to career advancement and a ton of fun. I met great people and learned all sorts of things.

Why am I writing this? It is to remind myself that change can be uncomfortable. There is that moment of hanging over the precipice with no idea what is on the other side. That is where I am right now, hanging off a cliff wondering if I can fly or if I will crash onto the rocks below. Either way, there is only one direction to go. I may have to pry myself off the side of the cliff, screaming all the way, but if I can remember how well most of the other major changes have turned out, maybe this one will be a bit easier to handle.